My principal's first speech to the sec sch after the holidays

Carrying my bag, i step into my class, ominous faces stares. I stare back. They continue staring. I look away. Soon, the bell goes...dingdongbell...Jostling like some sardines in a condom, I assemble with the class @ the assembly area. 'Majulah Singapura...'The pledge follows...A prayer continues the inevitable...then my principal- All hell breaks lose. We greet him-'Good morning Mr Worm'(name changed to protect privacy, the voices die down in ominous waiting for the torture talk coming on)'What a good morning, my gentlemen. God has granted us this day and we should treasure it, we should live each day as if it is our last. Everyday is a good day for everyone.(someone faints before he tries a valiant attempt to continue and ahemm, succeeds) Sec 1s, a very warm welcome to our program that will, in time, enable you to be gentlemens in our school and the society. It has been a very tense period during our school 2006 intake. I see people waiting, waiting, even till the evening. I go over and ask one parent, why do you want to wait? Why don't you go over to other schools , they are just as good. She answers, my neighbour is from your school, and he is just, 'different' from the rest of the other students...He can even recite the school's vision to me-so many times that I remembered! I will recite it to you as proof...The' 'Ohh, okay' I reply. Students, now do you understand the difference between our gentlemen and those from other schools? You are all our ambassadors and products, Mr Worm's(principal's name changed to protect his privacy) products of the highest quality.(school yawns, some scratch their armpits and other areas...) in the making,(he adds as our discipline master snoops around catching victims)my students. Now, I went on a holiday this time to the states... with luck, i managed to stay at Hilton...(sorry, this part is sensored in case the blog master deletes this entry out of pure boredom) ...Finally, I will like to ask you big brothers to set a good example for the new sec 1s to follow. May you all enjoy a fruitful and happy year at our school and good day.'(another person faints) He then stumbles off the podium into the discipline master's arms. In the plaza, students are snoring...Wao...perfect prescripton for insomniacs