HaPpy ChiNesE NeW YeAr!!

HaPpy ChiNesE NeW YeAr!!

祝福您：

性年快乐
万色如一
性想色成
大鸡大粒
色色乳依
精液满堂
鸡香入浴
大弟挥春

大家FUCK财！

-NOTICE-

Sry to all fans of Banana C, but due to overexceeding bandwidth usage, his posts has been removed. Thank you and god bless you.

My day in sch, Sry guys for the long wait- I was busy...So, as a repayment, a super long!

It was a typical Singapore morning, light wind, rising sun… I was as usual riding my father’s chia to go sch. Like a typical Singaporean, I predicted some girls passing by and pulled down my socks, folded out my shirt and pushed my hair up, looking in my hand-held hellopussy mirror to see my image- Wah seh, a nerd>pai kia cross man! I likes!

While I adjusted my pants so that some of my blue undies can be seen(oogled), my father chanted and ranted about how stubborn today’s teens were(wa lau ay, kao peh…), Soon, I arrived 0.675km away from my school and started to walk down. Hehe, my predictions were right-Chicks dotted the path like ^*#@! I started to action and walked in a saunter and shaked my hips. Soon, I forgot about the girls and began to add more actions-I swang my arms, rocked my head…Lalala, wahwah… Yaya, nice action…they stared at me as if I was a lunatic deprived of human contact for 50years…WA LAU EH! Basket KNNBCJB! I was a failure. Wad’s the Prob??!! Our principal say must look for new answers and not correct answers, I just wanted to try a new approach to attract hot chicks also ‘tio’ until liddat…haiz, with my new actions attract Chicken Little maybe, but ‘Sao Ji’(hot chicks), no.

The school assembly then came, wasting 45mins of my precious life… They should replace ‘Save Water’ signs with ‘Save Your Life’ Signs, hmmm, dat would be better… Imagine my principal… And how many moments of my life I’ve wasted…I start crying...~Sob Sob…~ ‘It’s My life and it’s now or never…and I ain’t gonna live forever…eeeeooowwww!’ I start singing like Sylvester Sim in the Singapore Idol Finals complete with his monkey howls and crazy actions. That is, till I realized I was doing that during the National Anthem. My discipline’s master’s visage promptly appeared in front of me and said with a sadistic smile-‘好，好，你唱得比我好…现在跟我去general office面前站，等一下我陪你比赛唱歌，好吗？’ Lucky eh? This is sooo bad! I wanted to mutter my dictionary of vulgarities but decided to control. Later on, after some begging, smiling and apologizing, my sentence was reduced to singing the National Anthem 15 times…sigh…Nice school. Later on, I was blogging this during Eng Lesson when I was caught by my slightly disfigured Engrish teacher, Mrs Sasha(name changed). Siao wan LA! She stared at me not 10cm away! Dat is soooo… Mary Chia facial Sux man! Ask all those pretty gals go advertise, never give ppl like my teacher a go… Maybe no cure, but can ‘try’, right? Wa lau eh… ‘A conversation unfolded-

‘Ah Peng, will you listen to me?’

‘I would like to’

‘What did you say?’

‘I would love to’

‘What?’

I will want to’

‘You better mean what you said, Ah Peng.’

Wa Piang eh, I was like proposing to see a porn video…

Later on, on my way home, my friends and I saw an old guy… By the following actions, I assume he is a rare breed of olden Chinese men.

Dressed in boxers and a saggy singlet, he left his ‘鸡腿’ to last in his plate of chicken rice and began doing this- He USED the HANDLE of a fork and began wiping the oil off his lips using that! Right left, right left, XD la! Then, he took out a packet of wet tissues from his pocket(or rather a hole cut in his boxers) and took out a packet of WET TISSUES. ‘Phew’, I thought, something sensible @ last… Then he *^#@ing took the tissues and stuck it INTO his boxers and started wiping!!! I was dreaming??!!! This guy should be in Woodbridge la! He then(would you believe it??!!)took his chopsticks and stuck it into his nostrils, TURNING it! Then, he started LICKING the oil off the drumstick and finally started eating…WTF, WTH!!!!! Come on la, can u even believe dat???!

Later on, I was eating dinner, the main dish being a roasted duck my mum bought from Chinatown. I started taking random pieces of tasty duck and started chomping them up…till I encounter one especially fleshy piece. Being the typical kiasu Singaporean, I grabbed it and started trying to eat it. There was a kind of putrid, nauseous taste which I, because of it’s flesh, dismissed as the low quality oil used. As the eating continued, I sucked at it and realized that it was also slightly rubbery in texture. Feeling curious, I asked my mum why was it so….The reply came… ‘那是鸭的屁股!’ My mouth hanged there. The horrible truth dawned…I was trying to suck and eat a DUCK”S ASS!!! I immediately chionged to the toilet and rinsed my mouth like a killing machine. I mean, WTF, can you imagine DAT???!!!! Haiz… My day was Bad. ‘I had a bad day, I’m taking one down, I sing a sad song just to turn it around…’ Life is Ironic.

Pls note-Banana C suks.Ty. & After reading, pls dun make it a 'one night stand'. Gif yr reply, comment on it, dun actionaction, pls. Ty again.

Letter to Sch's principal(we are not involved in any way)

Dear Mr Worm(as usual),
I am de mother of Siao Ah Kow, a triple science boy who study in your schools. I jus wan, ha, to inform yous dat hor, the rojak you talking will not trick ni lao ma hor. Although I am only a lao tai po, but i know your kentang mouth will never bruff me wan. You talk here, talks there, talks everywhere, even dat time I, hor, go Geylang also see you talking to some sexy girls about posing in the photos of, hor, your new property. You are se peh jian leh... You know ni lao ma is de people in charge of de Geylang girls hor. If I see you ones more time in my alea har, u sure kena wan. First, I ask my son smack your kukujiao, then hor, I myself will suresly use my stick to hood you until you cannot open your louzy mouth anymore. You say wat, gentlemen... You yourself also no settings gudd example for de students to folo lor. You somemore, hah, say world-class... dun make ni lao ma pang sai la. Your school hor, compared to last time my kampung one is like, one ka cheng apart sial. And your teachers, wa seh, say wad coheshen, caring, wad sai... I tells u, your teachers are KFC la!!! Last time my son only accident scare one carings teacher, he ask him pump 60 times for him in the toilet bowl leh! You are worse than the wad sai primary schools hor. Last time, I heard you even talks a lot of cock to the kias right? Say wad sure this, sure dat, i tells you, you sure jia sai wan... Even I deaf hor, listen to yous also kena knocked out. Even i watch zhng my lan jiao also better... I wonders why no one fainted... Must be you threaten them with another 1 hours of talking. Somemore plus you say wad, mus bathes in cold water somemore, wa lau eh, I bets I put yous in longkang water, you faint liao, still want to action. Tan ma de,you listens up hor, If nest time i still see you talking like a sai kia, I sure complain ministry ask them send pai kia go hood your bird wan... You better carefuls hor. Last warnings liao...
Ah Kow's lao bu,
Chee Ko bu

First assembly speech by our principal

At today's assembly (which was also the first of '06), My principal Mr Worm, (name changed to protect privacy) gave the students a long "inspiring" speech about how good and full of potential our school was is, and how we should feel proud that we got in as there were many people waiting to get into this school...It was a long 43.52mins speech, (most people feel asleep after 10 mins of torture)

Mr Worm started, this school is going to be world class! I’ve got paintings worth 5-figure sums ready to be hung up in the school compounds! I wan this sch to also be like an art gallery, featuring rare paintings from famous artists. He added, this is the ONLY sch in singapore that jumped from band 3 to band 1 within a year!! Not only are our grades improving, but here we focus on character building! Students who graduate from this school are all gentlemen who are billingual.. blahblah

The climax of his speech was when Mr Worm called out 3 TALL sec 1 boys from basketball. "Look at these boys! They are only sec 1 and they are already so tall..plz la other schools can just give up! any of the boy raise their hands and their opponent will not be able to see the basketball net!! Like that how to shoot?? Sure win la… next year we sure win the volleyball, softball..blahblahblah..."

To add on to the "world class school" image, Mr Worm "bought" a few teachers that he claimed to be experienced and would be a great help to achieve greater heights!(where, hell?)
Quote : I've been waiting 3 years for this teacher to join our sch. She coached a d7 maths student into A1 material!! I swiped her from another school and at a bargain!! (he would surely make a better soccer manager than a principal -.-")

Relieving the past year(sex 2)

Hmmm, 'ying shui shi yuan'... this phrase has been well known in our society for many years. Meaning 'remember ni lao ba...', this phrase was probably created by Mr Confucius, an old hag who tried his best to spread his many ideas to people in China, some followed, some did not... However, he was a cold-blooded murderer... When the just emperor, Mr Qinshi ascended the throne a few years after his death, many hardcore Confucious followers displayed overly filial piety in front of him until one day, Qinshi's son, wildly influenced, was killed when he choked on a piece of his father's shit he was trying to find if his father was sick(refer to Confucius's book to find out the story). Qinshi, in a fit of anger, ordered thousands of Confucius scholars AND followers to be sentenced to death.Sad.Anyway, it is a relief to pronounce children nowadays free of Confucius's influence. Maybe Superman or Catwoman, but Confucius is out. However, I, in a valiant display of rememberance, will now attempt to remember the 'team of caring and world-classed cohesive' teachers that taught me for the past year...

Form Teacher- My nutty form teacher who acted like a sotong, looks like a gorilla and talks like Saddam Hussein. Armed with a crazy mouth, hairy arms and strange temper, Chee Seng, or affectionately known as the gorilla, was indeed a very thoughtful and inspiring teacher. Always advising the class to be good people and 'Government fearing', he has always been an inspiring teacher, both in his haircut and sign language. Although he is now sadly out of our school, a beautiful wife and handsome offspring will, hopefully, be his beacon of hope in the rest of his life.

MY english teacher- My english teacher who possessed a uncanny sense of humour and a beautiful body. However, it came as a BIG surprise to me that she was not even married at such an age which will not be revealed. Instead, she revels in pleasures such as playfully pinching, knocking and strangling students randomly. She has once tried to take part in hot TV reality series, 'The Bacholerette', but sadly, did not pass the basic requirements. She is a will be a good teacher for the years to come. My last present to her was a pack of SK-II facial masks...

My IT teacher- Well described as everyone student's nightmare, she is a professional 'gamebuster' who has ever since eagerly introduced the tablet PC program, has caught many who tried to keep desirable stuff and games in their computers. Armed with a sarcastic phrase, 'Oh, i got you!', 2 tech rats who camp into her computer lab and a mole infested face, she is indeed enjoying her reign of terror in our school compounds. She is now totally in her campaign.

My sci teacher- A Malay(i'm not racist) teacher with a unique hairstyle, she has been my sci teacher for de year. A very delighting, inspiring teacher who always insists on us carrying a novel, she has budging toad eyes, pouty lips and a slim and sexy body(except during her 'periods'-u know wad i mean...). With her unique drawling voice, 'Yuuuaannn Taat...'(example nia), she has been very attention demanding along with her 2 short & stumpy lab assistants who suck up to her and sucks... Mi miss her sial.

Hmmm...like it or not, more hotties will be coming up.

My principal's first speech to the sec sch after the holidays

Carrying my bag, i step into my class, ominous faces stares. I stare back. They continue staring. I look away. Soon, the bell goes...dingdongbell...Jostling like some sardines in a condom, I assemble with the class @ the assembly area. 'Majulah Singapura...'The pledge follows...A prayer continues the inevitable...then my principal- All hell breaks lose. We greet him-'Good morning Mr Worm'(name changed to protect privacy, the voices die down in ominous waiting for the torture talk coming on)'What a good morning, my gentlemen. God has granted us this day and we should treasure it, we should live each day as if it is our last. Everyday is a good day for everyone.(someone faints before he tries a valiant attempt to continue and ahemm, succeeds) Sec 1s, a very warm welcome to our program that will, in time, enable you to be gentlemens in our school and the society. It has been a very tense period during our school 2006 intake. I see people waiting, waiting, even till the evening. I go over and ask one parent, why do you want to wait? Why don't you go over to other schools , they are just as good. She answers, my neighbour is from your school, and he is just, 'different' from the rest of the other students...He can even recite the school's vision to me-so many times that I remembered! I will recite it to you as proof...The' 'Ohh, okay' I reply. Students, now do you understand the difference between our gentlemen and those from other schools? You are all our ambassadors and products, Mr Worm's(principal's name changed to protect his privacy) products of the highest quality.(school yawns, some scratch their armpits and other areas...) in the making,(he adds as our discipline master snoops around catching victims)my students. Now, I went on a holiday this time to the states... with luck, i managed to stay at Hilton...(sorry, this part is sensored in case the blog master deletes this entry out of pure boredom) ...Finally, I will like to ask you big brothers to set a good example for the new sec 1s to follow. May you all enjoy a fruitful and happy year at our school and good day.'(another person faints) He then stumbles off the podium into the discipline master's arms. In the plaza, students are snoring...Wao...perfect prescripton for insomniacs